"God's Generous 'Tender Mercies' (Which We Withhold?)"

Ps. 116:5, NIRV     

     In the very first chapter of the Book of Luke we read of the great "tender mercy of our God, by which the rising sun will come to us from heaven" (1:78, NIV).  This passage speaks of the revelation Jesus will bring--a revelation of God's overwhelming tender mercy, closeness, and loving-grace.

     Similarly, in the Epistle to Titus we read that “the sweetness and the loving kindness of God Our Lifegiver” has been revealed—again, the message of God’s immense love, mercy, forgiveness, and Grace poured out upon us, especially in Jesus’ coming (Titus 3:4).^[1]

     In like manner, in the opening chapter of Second Isaiah^[2] we find this 

direction: "Speak tenderly to the heart of Jerusalem”—i.e., speak tenderly 

to the hearts of the beloved children of God.^[3]

     Psalm 51 also opens by addressing a God of tender mercy, forgiveness, 

and Grace: “... God, according to Your steadfast love; according to the multitude 

of Your tender mercy and loving-kindness” help your needy children (AMPC, 

WEB).

     Or, as Psalm 116 states so simply, so plainly: "[O]ur God is tenderness" (v. 5, NJB, also see NIRV).  Similarly, in Deuteronomy 4:31 we read: "The LORD your God is tender and loving"; NIRV.

     It should be clear from such verses that we too would be called to pass such 

“sweetness and . . . loving kindness”--such tender mercy--on to others.  If we are repeatedly told that our God is one of tender mercies, as we indeed are (more passages follow), it ought to be clear that we are meant to pass these tender mercies along.  It ought to be--but, somehow, apparently it is not.  Why?  Before answering that question we look at additional passages that make it especially plain that we are to be passing tender mercies on to others.

     In Ephesians we read: “[B]e kind to one another, tenderhearted, forgiving 

one another, as God in Christ has forgiven you” (4:32, NRSV, NRSVCE, 

emphasis ours).

     And in Colossians the Apostle Paul says: "[C]lothe yourselves with compassion, kindness, humility, gentleness and patience.  Bear with each other and forgive one another if any of you has a grievance against someone.  Forgive as the Lord forgave you.  And over all these virtues put on love, which binds them all together in perfect unity"; 3:12-14, NIV.

     The Apostle Paul also declares: The greatest of these is love (of faith, hope, 

and love) in his famous "Love Chapter."  And, when he lists the fruits of the Spirit, "gentleness" is included in the list (1 Cor. 13; Gal. 5:23, CEB).

     Furthermore, Jesus, who embodies tender mercy, says simply: Love your 

neighbor as yourself (Mt. 22:39).^[4] 

     Let’s go back to the Titus passage quoted above.  When we first seriously pondered Titus 3:4 it raised a fundamental question for us: How often do we emulate “God Our Lifegiver” when we share the message of our faith?  Do we share with “sweetness and . . . loving kindness” (“bountifulness,” “goodness,” or “overpowering love” in other translations^[5])?   Or do we share this message with a certain “edge”?

     We offer an example of the latter.  We recall moving to a new state early in our married life.  We were living—newly—near a relative, who was very dear to us.  She had a strong faith, and we often asked her for prayers as we adjusted to various difficulties of a new situation.  However, we soon discovered that our dear relative also had a certain “edge.”  It related to a particular brand of Christianity that she had picked up and decided was “right”!  On Sundays she was part of the same denomination we were, but on weekdays she related to another group that ascribed to a minority view within Christianity (in its understanding of certain scriptures).  It is not at all important to identify that minority understanding.  For our purposes it is only relevant to say that in her view this understanding was “right”—correct!  And she needed to stand by this understanding.

     The sad part of this was that in our newness to the area, we truly needed her love and support.  We did get it, but we also got it with a certain “edge.”  And we soon realized that if she saw a choice between “being right” or “being loving” she often first chose for “being right.”  And in various ways—sometimes indirectly—she let us know that we were not “quite right,” because she guessed that we had trouble understanding her minority view.  There were times when she reflected “the sweetness and the loving kindness of God Our Lifegiver” to us—God’s tender mercies—and there were times when she did not.  Or, if she did, it was still with that “edge” (edginess)—because she “was right”; while we were not entirely “right.”

     We tell this story because it reveals in miniature something that we see as very real upon the larger Christian scene today.  We each need to ask: Do I see “being right” as more important than sharing “the sweetness and the loving kindness of God Our Lifegiver”?  Will I defend “being right” even when it gets in the way of passing on the love of God?  Do I have a certain “edge” (edginess, hard edge) about how I share the Gospel—God’s good news?

     When we look at the picture of Christianity that one picks up in the media today, we often feel that we are repeating the experience we had with our relative (who is now long gone).  Christianity with an “edge” seems to be very much out there today.

     The trouble with that “edge”—with “being right” first—is that it comes from the human ego—not from the deeper human heart and soul.  Tragically, what so often comes across (unwittingly) today is Christianity with that edge of ego in it.  Stop to consider what someone who did not grow up in Christianity will pick up from what is generally seen/heard in the media. 

     (And, of course, the media will pick up on edginess more often than genuine, tender love.  However, it can only do so if that edginess is truly “out there.”  Often what is observed is an edgy being right [before being loving] Christianity with too much ego also coming across.  [A notable exception to the above was the strong media coverage of the utterly remarkable grace-filled, forgiving responses of relatives of the victims of the Charleston shootings—after their dear ones had been murdered in a Bible study; 6/17/15.  We all saw an astounding example of tender mercy and amazing grace—with full media coverage!] )

     The above discussion of ego edginess is especially tragic when we consider the fact that Christianity has a strong message about giving up (or surrendering) the ego: the ego is not—cannot be—the heart of religion.  The surrender of the ego is powerfully portrayed in Christianity by the It is not I who lives but Christ who lives within me experience (Gal. 2:20).  This is a heart/soul experience in which the ego cooperates by making way, by surrendering to that which is Greater.  This is portrayed dramatically in the Apostle Peter’s experience of surrendering his ego.  Clearly, the pre-denial Peter (Peter before his humbling experience of denying Jesus) had a good measure of ego.  In light of this it is fascinating to note the experiences Jesus led Peter through in steady, firm steps (see Matt. 26:33-35; Jn. 13: 37-38, 18:17-27, 21:15-17).  Peter slowly, humbly surrenders his ego to Jesus’ love and also to a new clarity of vision about himself as one in need of forgiveness and tender Grace.  Surely, we all need to learn something from Peter’s painful lesson. 

     Why might so much "being right" first creep into Christianity?  Certainly, it is partly because of the deified left brain that is so strong in the Western world (as discussed in our earlier post “Sacred Tenderness and the Western Mind”^[6]). 

     Looking at a similar tendency from a theological perspective, Bengt Hoffman writes: “[T]here are barriers built into western intellectual thought structures which render it difficult to grasp the intimate connection between the conceptual-doctrinal and the experiential” knowledge of “God’s presence” and love.^[7]  Perhaps it is easier for the Western mind to focus on the doctrinal (as our relative did in the experience we relate above) than upon something as seemingly un-graspable as God’s merciful, loving presence.  But the result is that we also have trouble freely passing God’s love along.  The human ego is often uncertain (it likes certainties, having things down pat); thus, it naturally gravitates toward "being right" first.  But this has more to do with the nature of the human ego than with deep down heart-changing faith or with our God of “tender mercy.”

     We are not saying that doctrine is not important.  In Hoffman’s quotation above he is referring to Martin Luther’s spiritual journey.  Clearly, Luther experienced the tragedy of doctrine that was dangerously off-center: doctrine that gave the young Luther a picture of an angry, endlessly demanding, perfectionistic God (in contrast to the God of love, Grace, forgiveness, and tender mercy).  This picture of God depressed and even tormented the young Luther.  And it did need to be corrected doctrinally.  (See an earlier post where we discuss of Luther’s return to a biblical God of tender mercy and Grace.^[8])

     What we are really talking about here would probably best be described as doctrine hooked up with the human ego.  Or, doctrine hooked up with “being right” rather than “being loving.”  (Actually, what usually comes across is a very confusing mixture of both!)  It is also doctrine hooked up with a left-brain tendency to judge.  Here again, the ego enters in—taking upon itself a role that can only belong to God: a merciful, healing, forgiving God of tender mercies.  (And yes, there is also a lot of excessive “judgmentalism” out there today.  Yes, one also picks this up in the picture of Christianity that often comes across in the media.)

     If we pass on God’s love with a certain edginess, a tendency toward “judgmentalism,” a sense of holding others at a distance (perhaps even looking down one’s nose at them) because they are not “quite right,” the latter factors are what will come across most clearly!  Sometimes we think Jesus' instructions: Judge not, that you be not judged are the most disobeyed instructions in Christianity (Mt. 7:1).  (See our previous post “‘Love First’ or ‘Law First’”^[9] for other reasons why edgy “judgmentalism” often takes over.)

     In contrast to all of the above, we are to treat one another with the same grace, tender mercy, and love with which God treats us: 

"By the tender mercy of our God, the dawn from on high will break 

upon us"; Lk. 1:78, NRSV, NRSVCE (referring to the coming of Jesus).

 

“Beloved, let's love one another, for love is of God. ... God is love”; 

1 Jn. 4:7-8, WEB. 

“[P]ut on tender mercy and kindness as if they were your clothes.  Don’t be proud.  Be gentle and patient”; Col. 3:12, NIRV.

“[S]erve one another humbly in love”; Gal. 5:13, NIV. 

“[I]n humility value others above yourselves”; Phil. 2:3, NIV.                                  

     St. Thérèse of Lisieux found that it is “relatively easy to say to someone 

‘I love you’. . . .  But to believe that we are loved, we must hear it said ten 

times”—and perhaps ten times more! (a biographer’s paraphrase of 

St. Thérèse).^[10]     

     We believe the same is true of God’s tender mercies; we must hear about them again and again! No doubt, another major reason why we are edgy about passing tender mercies on to others is that we do not yet adequately know them ourselves.  Thus, we share multiple assurances of God’s tender mercy—God’s sacred tenderness—toward us.  (Note: this is interrupted by a dramatic real life story and also a brief comment about “sin” and tender mercy—the latter being the only context in which we should speak about “sin”^[11]):

“Great are Your tender mercy and loving-kindness, O Lord; give me life according to Your ordinances” (Ps. 119:156, AMPC; or see KJV—known for its fine sense of poetry—in this and many passages below).

“Hear me, O LORD, for thy lovingkindness is good: turn unto me according to the multitude of thy tender mercies” (Ps. 69:16, KJV, also see AMPC, WEB).

“Withhold not thou thy tender mercies from me, O LORD: let thy lovingkindness and thy truth continually preserve me” (Ps. 40:11, KJV, also see AMPC, WEB).

     We pause to offer a story about the imagery of God’s “tender mercies.”  Mary Slessor was a Scottish Presbyterian missionary who broke the mold with regard to most understandings of missionary work at the end of the nineteenth century.  She took God’s “tender mercies” into an area then known as the white man’s grave: where a man [male] hardly dreamt of entering with any expectation of coming out alive.  But Mary, as a slight, defenseless woman, armed only with God’s “tender mercies,” adopted local ways, thrived, and became known as “Everybody’s Mother” in interior regions of today’s Cross River State of Nigeria.  This phrase: we have a God of “tender mercies” was of deep significance to Mary.^[12]

     ^{And for those in Catholic tradition, note that when St. Faustina} 

^{was given} her vision of the Sacred Heart, Jesus spoke from within 

that vision proclaiming "the very depths of My tender mercy" 

(Diary, 299).  (Also see Luke 1:78, NRSVCE, NRSV above.)

     We continue now with additional biblical assurances of God’s tender mercies:

“The Lord is good to all: and his tender mercies are over all his 

works.” (Ps. 145:9, KJV, AMPC, WEB).

 “Let Your tender mercy and loving-kindness come to me that 

I may live . . .” (Ps. 119:77, AMPC, WEB).

“Bless the LORD, O my soul . . . who heals all your diseases, 

who redeems your life from the pit, who crowns you with 

lovingkindness and tender mercies . . .”  (Ps. 103:2-4, 

MEV, WEB).

     (Below we offer the above verse in another translation, 

noting this: an emphasis upon God’s tender mercy does not 

mean that God is wishy-washy about “sin.”  However, as 

was discerned recently in a group Bible study, God doesn’t 

like sin for one main reason: it hurts God’s beloved children 

[ourselves—others].  God doesn’t want any beloved children 

to be hurt, ourselves included!  So we offer the above in 

another translation with special emphasis upon God’s 

“tender love,” mercy, and forgiveness—as we also face 

ourselves in God’s mercy and Grace [as the Apostle Peter 

did in the example above] and the painful reality of “sin[s].”)

“I will praise the Lord.  I won’t forget anything he does for me.  He forgives all my sins.  He heals all my sicknesses.  He saves my life from going down into the grave.  His faithful and tender love makes me feel like a king”; Ps. 103:2-4, NIRV.

“[L]et Your tender mercies come swiftly to us, for we are brought very low” (Ps. 79:8, MEV, WEB).

“I [the Lord] must still . . . be deeply moved for him [her], and let my tenderness yearn over him [her] . . .”; Jer. 31:20, JB.

    (Note: in each list of verses above italics for tenderness or tender mercy [mercies] are added.)

     Before leaving our topic for today, we discuss one further ramification of 

our above discussion of the human ego supplanting the message of God’s 

“tender mercies.”  When we were in our training program in Spiritual 

Direction, a residential recovery program ("Twelve Step" recovery program 

as used by AA, etc.) was housed at the same retreat center.  There was a 

certain overlapping of staff between the two programs, and we greatly 

benefited from this.  This included frequent discussion of the most common 

addiction in our culture: an “addition to control.”  (Sometimes edginess 

moves out to the edge of a continuum—becoming an “addiction to control.”)

     We all know the terminology: “control freak.”  However, the truth is 

that almost all of us struggle with a tendency toward addictive, over-

controlling behavior at some point in our lives—especially when we are 

under stress.  When this happens, we are best to quickly identify and 

admit our struggle and then reach for help from a Grace beyond 

ourselves (as the "Twelve Steps" themselves suggest).  And it would 

also behoove us to consider the truth that the inordinate need to 

“control” is the exact opposite of a God of great Tenderness, who 

calls us to extend tenderness and grace to others as well.

     In the future we hope to complete a series on God’s TLC as found in

so many scriptural passages: God’s Tender Loving Care.  Today’s

discussion of God’s “tender mercies" will stand for the “T” in this trio. 

God’s “lovingkindness” (which makes a beginning appearance in

passages quoted today) will stand for the “L.”  And, of course, God’s

abiding “care” will stand for the “C.”  (So watch for future discussions

of God’s TLC or find them now in our Notes. [13])  

     We close this segment with additional verses about God’s great tender mercy (also see prayers and meditations below):

“Remember, O Lord, Your tender mercies and loving-kindnesses; for they have been ever from old”; Ps. 25:6, AMPC, WEB.

“Oh! . . . my dear, dear son [daughter], my child in whom I take 

pleasure!  Every time I mention his [her] name, my heart bursts 

with longing . . . !  Everything in me cries out. . . .  Softly and 

tenderly I wait for [her] him”; Jer. 31:20, The Message 

paraphrase.

“[P]eople who don’t give up are blessed.  You have heard that Job was patient.  And you have seen what the Lord finally did for him.  The Lord is full of tender mercy and loving concern”; James 5:11, NIRV.

* * *

We close with thoughts for meditations, prayer/poetry/proverbs:

“YOUR Great TENDER HEART (a Meditation)”

* * *

                   

     (See the James passage directly above--in the prose section--for

further thought on this theme. Note: "desolation" is a term often

used in spiritual classics to speak of a season of spiritual

discouragement. Discussion of weathering such times can be

found in another post.^[15])

       * * *

Prayer to a God of “tender mercies”:

There is this IMMENSE TENDERNESS—

a Presence knocking softly. . . .

(We rationalistic left-brainers have made that Presence hard.  

Capturing/computing it in cold, dogmatic constructs, we 

actually see a reflection of ourselves.^[16])   

But . . . still there is

this IMMENSE TENDERNESS —

a Presence—

knocking silently at the door:

calling, waiting, wishing, hoping . . .

“merry”. . .“courteous”. . .“homely.”

Lord, may we learn of the You

(as a wonder-ing Julian saw You)—      

IMMENSE TENDERNESS knocking

so silently at the door.                                                  

(With reflection upon Rev. 3:20 and Julian of Norwich’s words 

about the astonishing revelation that came to her: “[F]ull greatly 

was I a stunned for wonder and marvel” at the spiritual “sight 

of His homely [intimate or 'homelike'] loving,” which was also 

surprisingly “merry” and “courteous.”^[17])

* * *

“Ripples Through the Heart”

Something hushed and holy

    Ripples through the garden,        

Hides among the branches,

   Quivers in the grass.

Something sweet and Sacred. . . .

   It takes all day to fathom—

Something Tender, Hushed, and Holy        

   Knocks softly at the heart.

     (With reflection upon Jn. 3:8; Rev. 3:20.)

     

                                                             

An opening to prayer/meditation:

* * *

And finally, another way to grow in tenderness:

"Just To Listen"

Just to listen to the world!

How seldom we listen      

to the rain thumping scales on the rooftop,   

to the mirth and crack of the fire, 

to the purr of the snuggling kitten, 

to the wind as a harp in the trees.          

She who listens surrenders 

to a world beyond her knowing.

He who listens gains the whole world, 

even while forsaking 

the miniature world . . . of “self.”

“Appreciating the beauty of the natural world is a means of joy and

of growth.  Yet it also involves a sacrifice.  When we love the beauty of 

the world, although it is a source of joy, we still cannot avoid sacrificing 

the perspective (so dear to our egos) that tells us we are the center of the 

universe.” - Eric Springsted ^[18]

* * *

(See additional blog posts after the “Notes” in Newer/Older Posts.)

…………………………

Notes:

1. Titus 3:4: in an insightful translation from the Aramaic Bible in Plain English.

(Also see KJV, WEB, NIV, etc.)

2. Chapters 40-55 of Isaiah, according to many biblical scholars.

3. Isa. 40:2, AMPC; also see NIV.

4. For Jesus’ own example see: "Sacred Tenderness from the Cross";
http://sacred-tenderness-christian-tradition.blogspot.com/2015/03/sacred-tenderness-from-cross.html.

5. NRSV, NRSVCE, GNV, VOICE translations.

6. See our previous post “Sacred Tenderness and the Western Mind”;
http://sacred-tenderness-christian-tradition.blogspot.com/2015_09_01_archive.html.

7. Bengt R. Hoffman, Luther and the Mystics (Minneapolis: Augsburg, 1976), p. 19.

8. “Martin Luther’s Neglected Tenderness”;
http://sacred-tenderness-christian-tradition.blogspot.com/2015/03/martin-luthers-neglected-tenderness.html.

9. See http://sacred-tenderness-christian-tradition.blogspot.com/2015/04/law-first-or-love-first-and-gods-tender.html.

10. Bernard Bro, Saint Thérèse of Lisieux: Her Family, Her God, Her Message, trans.
Anne Englund Nash (San Francisco: Ignatius Press, 2003), p. 80.

11. This is one of the first principles we learned in the spirituality that underlies our training in spiritual
direction.  This training/spirituality is described in Note 1 of "Sacred Tenderness--Lost in Translation";
http://sacred-tenderness-christian-tradition.blogspot.com/2015_02_01_archive.html.

12. W. P. Livingston, Mary Slessor of Calabar: Pioneer Missionary (Westwood, NJ:
Barbour and Co., 1986), pp. 2, 191, 276. (See scripture passages that speak of
God’s “tender mercies” in the text above.)

13. See completion of our series on God's TLC in two posts: "'TLC': God's Tender Loving CARE"; https://sacred-tenderness-christian-tradition.blogspot.com/2019/01/tlc-gods-tender-loving-care.html

and "God's 'Extra-ordinary' LOVE WORD 'Lovingkindness' ('Chesed') & TLC";

https://sacred-tenderness-christian-tradition.blogspot.com/2019/06/ps.html

14. Meditations, prayer/poetry/proverbs by Lorraine B. Eshleman.  (Also gratitude to

John Newton for his great hymn “Amazing Grace.”)

15. See "The “Fickle” Weather of the Human Soul, God’s TLC & Advice

from the Old Saints: Julian of Norwich, Luther, St. Ignatius, etc.";

https://sacred-tenderness-christian-tradition.blogspot.com/2024/

16. See No. 6 above.

17. Julian of Norwich, Showings: Authoritative Text, Contexts, Criticism, ed. Denise
N. Baker (New York: W. W. Norton & Co., 2005), pp. 8-9 (Chap. 4-5, Long Text)
(Note, the original is: “[F]ull greatly was I a stonned for wonder and marvayle”
at the “ghostly sight of his homely lovyng”; we updated the English in the above).  
Also see Julian of Norwich: Showings, trans. Edmund Colledge, O.S.A. and
James Walsh, S.J. (New York: Paulist Press, 1978), pp. 182, 318 (Chap. 4, 71,
Long Text). And for the translation "homelike" see Marcelle Thiébaux, The

Writings of Medieval Women: An Anthology (New York: Garland Pub., 1994),

pp. 449, 456, 460 (from Julian of Norwich, Revelations of Divine Love,

translating Chap. 4, Short Text; Chap. 60, 68, Long Text).

18. Eric O. Springsted, Simone Weil and the Suffering of Love (Cambridge, MA:

Cowley Pub., 1986), p. 89.